Yesterday's memorial for my brother/best friend Jeff went really well. We met so many of the people we had heard about for so many years that Jeff had worked with and heard their stories of how much he had effected their lives. The turn out didn't surprise anyone, but I think it would have surprised Jeff. I truly don't think that he ever understood how strong and positive an impact he had on people. Those of us who knew and loved him tried to tell him but he was just too stubborn to listen.
We had stubbornness in common. Now I am going forward without my wingman so I have to deal with that stubbornness on my own. The stubbornness to not stop poisoning myself with drink. The stubbornness not to acknowledge that whereas my body is older, and thus handling everything it comes in contact with differently, I still have the power to change things for the better before I join Jeff in the great beyond. I am carrying about 60 lbs too many, I need to shed as much of that as I can in the coming weeks and months.
The question is how?
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